in⋅som⋅ni⋅a
–noun
inability to obtain sufficient sleep, esp. when chronic; difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness.

when you have insomnia, everything seems ‘unreal’, everything around you becomes a tiny object or your mind automatically belittles anything and everything. the more you stay in insomnia, the more life seems to be simple and easy to understand.. your thinking becomes summed down to so much simplicity, you start to realize things you shouldn’t even care to realize..

but, maybe its just because, of the lack of sleep? resulting in mood swings, frustrations, and almost everything you do is half assed and most likely improper.

everything in insomnia could be or could not be real. you hallucinate, think a lot more, or think a lot less, you care less, you become less. you are never really asleep and your never really awake. its almost like another universe.. and when i’m in it,. i usually just don’t give a fuck.

time fly’s, and minutes pass like hours. or maybe their not minutes.. but seconds? seconds, dissected, spilled out in front of me. dumbed down to half seconds and milliseconds, and moments and time between milliseconds combined to make a life time of hours and……and…. i get lost in my mind as my days wonder my brain across the netherworld of neither the living.. or the sleeping.. sometimes i wonder if i’m really awake..

i couldn’t begin to ask my self if my day went well.
my days isn’t like everyone else’s days really., i get lost in what was really daytime and night time., my days are like 2 hour long movies- short, and when it was finished. it felt long.
my days consist of, 48 hours, no wait … maybe 72. .. sometimes more and sometimes less, i wake up in the middle of whatever time it is in the day and wonder what i had done for the past 19 years of my life. re-remind myself that i might still be living. watch the clock and throw my self into the twilight and cosmos of a waking dream. and snap out of it when something quick catches my eye. like a foot long galactic roach, the 2 inch wide stellarsphere or a meteorite descending from the nebula’s into my cup of; sugar, color, artificial fruit, orange #23, red #45, lime, artificial lime…. or in other words my drink.

sometimes i feel millions of worms crawl around me, into every accessible hole in my body, in my bowels.. squirming screaming at the deafening silence. tossing my arms everywhere, flinging violence, tearing my skin off of my face and waking up….. but not really waking up from sleep.. but waking up into another dream from a dream..

each day i set off to my usual schedule… school, work, home, sleep….school, work, home, sleep….school, work, home, sleep….school, work, home, sleep….school, work, home, sleep….school, work, home, sleep….school, work, home, sleep….school, work, home, sleep….school, work, home, sleep……… and sometimes i take a moment to myself and pinch a corner of my flesh, covered with fat, which is then covered with veins and neuron systems, and blood cells, which is then covered with an overlay of carefully placed skin and for fashion; sprinkle on some hair ducts, with hair, pimples, freckles and scars….. all these things flash through my mind within just that one moment of my thumb and index finger, applying force onto the patch of flesh between both muscle… and with it i question my self if i am indeed still ‘alive’..

day after day i sit and watch the robots cross the street, play ball, honk their horns in the cars, yelling and screaming, spitting, walking, talking, moving, bumping, waving, breathing…. as if they don’t all know that they move just alike.. look alike. live alike, eat alike, and no matter how different they may seem to think they are, the only difference is how much money each one of us are making.. but no matter how much sense you may think you are making….
its not you talking, its insomnia…..